5 days until induction and labor!

Today Elora is 38 weeks, 4 days GA. I am going to be induced in 5 days, but I'm still praying she will come on her own. I am afraid of the supposedly more intense labor caused by Pitocin.

Today is Thursday. On my Tuesday appointment, the doctor said she was at +1 station, and that I was 100% effaced and 4 cm dilated. So her head is now 1 cm below my ischial spines.

Today I thank the Lord:

-----that I am fully effaced. Please Lord, let my labor go smoothly and quickly! Please allow me to be able to handle it without an epidural. Please help her to come on her own :)

-----That everyone is doing well. Please Lord, continue to watch over all my family.

-----that I am still able to go to work. Please Lord, help me find another sub and be able to come back to work with Elora!

Thy will be done :)

Uggh...No baby yet...Lord give me Patience!

Today Elora is 37 weeks, 4 days GA. 

Those are a couple of cute onesies I was browsing on Amazon. I am so ready to give birth!

Prayers for today:

-----for Ryan and Lee
-----for Mom, Pop, Gabe, Glo, and Lyd
-----for Brenda and Scott, and Dustin
-----for all the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins
-----for Elora's birth, safely, in God's way and timing
-----for forgiveness of my sins, greater love, and greater patience!

Praise to God From Whom All Blessings Flow, Through His Son

10/28/2015: I never published this draft because I was still working on it. Today when I opened it, all my petitions had been answered! 

1. Lee's adoption happened on schedule and smoothly. 10 am on 10/22/15 the State recognized him legally as my son. He formally became Lelan Andrew Peter Oster, after a 4 minute hearing with just Ryan, myself, the judge, and our lawyer in the room.

2. Thanks to a co-worker at WATC, I found a sub. Actually, I found 2, a Biology adjunct, and a Chemistry adjunct. They will start when I go into labor.

3. Grace has abounded. Work and the Baby Shower went well.

Also...

The stitch was removed yesterday. I am almost fully effaced, but not dilated. Elora's head is right there.

It is a new week, Father, and we are in need of much more grace. We need you constantly. Here are new petitions:

-----That Elora is born safely, is healthy, and does not have to stay in the NICU. 
-----That she is born in YOUR timing.
-----That you help Lee and Ryan to control their tempers and be kind, so we are not a household of yelling.
-----That you help me to be a better wife and mom. A Christlike wife and mom.

Thank you Lord Jesus!


OK, HERE WAS THE UNPUBLISHED POST:




Today (10/19/15) Elora is 34 weeks, 2 days GA. Only 8 more days til the stitch is removed.

This is who I feel like occasionally:



Sally the rag doll, from Nightmare Before Christmas. I feel like that because my body isn't normal. It doesn't hold together like it should. It doesn't hold babies in like it should. I'm not bitter about it; that's just me.

I am glad that the rest of me besides my cervix is doing ok.

Prayers for Today:

-----That this week goes smoothly. I am feeling really tired and need lots of grace this week.
-----That I can find a sub for Northfield for Elora's birth, and know how much time to take off. That hopefully I can take her with me to work.
-----That the adoption hearing proceeds as scheduled.
-----That the Lord continues to help Ryan, Lelan and I grow in grace and love.

I am so anxious for Elora to arrive. Last night we set up the baby bed and mattress in our room. This Saturday we are having the baby shower. I wonder when she will come. Lord, we pray that she comes soon and is strong so that she can safely come home.

Being Sick and Playing Music and Games

Today (Wed, 9/30) Elora is 31 weeks, 4 days GA!! Only 4 more weeks until the stitch comes out, and Elora possibly comes home!!

She is very active. Sometimes she sticks her big hard head way up in the top of my uterus.

Blessings of Today:

     Well, one reason that I have not written for a while is that I was deathly ill the past week, from Monday morning until Friday night. I had aches all over my body. My hips hurt and I couldn't get comfortable on my side. I had the most horrible cough, which racked my body unendingly. I was unable to sleep for 65 hours straight. Every morning I got up and would be able to thermoregulate for a while, but by 3 or 4 my body was no longer maintaining homeostasis...I would go back and forth from chills to being very hot. I couldn't find a comfortable outfit or temperature. I'd try to go to bed when I got home but there was little relief. The fever would break each night around 8 or 9 and my body would flood the bed with sweat. I had to go downstairs for 2 nights so Ryan could sleep.

     I took Wednesday off, then Thursday. Mom worked for me Thursday. On Wednesday night I called the nurse and she said Robitussen would be ok, so Ryan got up at 2:30 and went and got me some. But it didn't help at all. I took some the next morning to try to sleep but it still didn't work. Thursday night I called the nurse again, and she called two prescriptions in, but it was too late to go get them. On Friday I decided to go to work because it was better than laying around feeling miserable! So I went to Northfield faculty meeting, then SSEC until 11:30, then back to Northfield. But by the end of the day I was at the end of my rope. I could barely stand, or drive. So I went to Walgreen's, got the prescriptions and took them. One was a tiny cough pill, the other an antibiotic. That night was the first I could sleep again. I won't elaborate on our marital bliss, of course, but for more reasons than sleep it was amazing to be in bed with my husband again!

     The next morning we got up and went to LordStock. It was wonderful to be able to sing 5 of our songs, including "Little Trekker", "Psalm 11", and "Pilot Light", even though my voice was shot. After that we went to Justin's house and played "Flick 'Em!", then ate burgers, beans, potato salad, watermelon, grapers, strawberries and desserts, and played "Dune". Ryan was Atreides, I was the Fremen, Justin played an expansion character, and some of Justin's friends played the Guild, the Emperor, and the Harkonnen. Ryan and I formed an alliance and won the game.



     Being sick was a blessing because through it the Lord gave me a greater appreciation for some simple things, like being able to sleep, being able to make love, being able to hang out with my son, being able to eat and take care of my body, and being able to work and enjoy it.

     Another blessing is that on Monday of this week, "that person" came in to the lawyer's office and handed in the consent. It was not needed, because by KS law she has already been considered "unfit", but it is a relief that now there is no way for the legal adoption to be impeded. She conveyed that she has no interest in contacting us. She only was concerned about not paying past child support, because she would go to jail if caught. Thank the Lord, she has been, and will remain a stranger. This piece of trash and her kin will not be able to harm my family, or interfere with our unity in any way.

     Another blessing: yesterday my baby stole my heart when, as I was sitting, watching him run to the schoolbus with his friends, he shouted, "Wait!", veered around, and came back to give me a huge hug, get a kiss and say "I love you". He is still such a baby. I hope he stays that way all his life.

Soy Concerns

Elora is 27 weeks, 6 days GA today (9/4)! Oh, and just now (I'm at WATC--SSEC) my friend Kim A. gave me some cute little burping cloths for her. God Bless her.

Elora is doing very well, and moving so much. She is typically very active around 9 am, so I am doing the kick counts the Dr. recommended for the third trimester. Last night I was laying on the couch and a big 3-4 in lump kept moving around my abdomen. Ryan got home and could see it too. We thought it was her head, and he kissed her, but who knows, may have been her butt!

Ryan came home a few days ago, talking about how soy was not good for men. I decided to look it up and it sounds like it may be very bad for babies in utero, also! To be safe I'm going to quit the soy protein bars.

My pregnancy brain is very bad. I have forgotten two meetings this week. Thankfully, the Lord has worked out everything! No one is mad at me and has been very understanding.

I'm so excited that Elora may be born in only 7 weeks!!! Dr. C said that about half of her patients who have had a cerclage give birth a day or two after its removal, and the rest wait a while. She also said that they don't usually have to stay in the NICU, only about 15%, but usually there have been other problems.

This weekend is Labor Day Weekend. Tomorrow we will go see Grandma Maxine and Grandpa Bill. Today is Grandma Max's Birthday. Tonight we may go see Grandma Pat.

Prayers and Worries:

-----that you will help our family, Lord, through the busy year ahead.

-----Lord Jesus, that you will help Lee with his attitude. He is getting very mouthy at times and it is bad.


Today I have been very tired. I've eaten some protein bars, beef jerky and a few peanut butter pretzels, and have drank 2 cups of coffee, along with water.

Here is part of Collosians 1, which Ryan and I read this morning. He told me to meditate on it. I really got good from the underlined part in verse 20.

 [18] And he is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead; that in all things he may hold the primacy: [19] Because in him, it hath well pleased the Father, that all fullness should dwell; [20]And through him to reconcile all things unto himself, making peace through the blood of his cross, both as to the things that are on earth, and the things that are in heaven.

[21] And you, whereas you were some time alienated and enemies in mind in evil works: [22] Yet now he hath reconciled in the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unspotted, and blameless before him:

On the Verge of the Third Trimester!

Today (8/28) Elora is 26 weeks, 6 days GA. Rounding up, that makes 27 weeks. Third trimester, here we come!

Here are pictures of  27 week old babies:





It is SO COOL to watch her move in my belly. It looks like she wants out! Stay in a little longer, sweet little girl!

Hopes and Dreams:

-----I can't wait until Lee has a younger sibling to cuddle. I pray they will have as good of a relationship as I've had with my siblings.

-----I can't wait to get Lee's new Birth Certificate :) As soon as it comes, I'm burning the old one.

Blessings of today:

-----Lelan has been enjoying going to Goddard, and riding the bus. And he told me yesterday he has been eating his sandwich FIRST, before his chips, because it is healthier. :)

-----My baby has been giving me big hugs and telling me he loves me when he gets home. Then he eats a snack outside while he tells me about his day.

-----Mom and I made stuffed manicotti. Ryan loved it! :)

Prayers of today:

-----That Lee doesn't want to ever meet his cell donor on this earth. When we are all united in Heaven (praying she gets there), that will be fine, but Lord Jesus, he is MY baby! Please unite our family ever closer in you.

-----That Elora gets here in YOUR time.

-----That you give Ryan and I an OVERFLOWING of the graces we need for our jobs.

-----For Dustin, Gabe, Lydia, Gloria, Brenda and Scott, Mom and Pop, Pat and Ed, Grandma Phyllis, and Grandma Maxine and Grandpa Bill.

-----That Ryan feels better. He stayed home sick today (the first day he's ever done that) because he felt so bad.

Pop's Birthday, Lee's Adoption, and Many Blessings!

     Today my blessings are:

     1. Ryan and I learned yesterday after our meeting with the lawyer that the government will issue a new Birth Certificate with Lee's new name, and me as his mom! That is such an awesome blessing! Now whenever I take him to the Dr. or enroll him in school, the legal document shows the truth---that I am his mom! 

     2. Elora is 25 weeks, 6 days old today!!

     Here are the average statistics for her GA:

     Pregnancy week; Length (inches);Weight (ounces);Length (cm);Mass (g)
     26 weeks                14.02 inches         1.68 pound          35.6 cm         760 grams
     http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1004000/average-fetal-length-and-weight-chart#ixzz3jSgk88hT

     3. I found Lee that Lee's cell donor is still living with her current "husband". That means they can send the forms to an address and we won't have to advertise in the paper!

     4. Ryan and I maintain the virtues of good communication, forgiveness, and trusting God to give us grace for our marriage!

A Little Scare

     There is so much on my mind today, I don't know where to start. So I will turn this post into a prayer.

     I'm worried because:

     1. We have fleas in the house. I want to get rid of them, fast. I don't want Ryan to stay mad about it. I want our marriage to remain happy.

     2. I start at Northfield soon, and one of my old college teachers is sending his daughter there. I don't want him to interfere with my teaching science, and teaching Genesis as truth.

     3. Lee started school today. I want to see him succeed academically and feel good about himself.

     4. We are going tomorrow to our lawyer's office to finish the adoption paperwork. I don't want there to be any interferences.

     5. Grandma Pat threw a fit last night, just because she wants to get Lee hot lunches, but I want to make his lunches because my mom did that for me. I don't want her to be angry, I want her to understand, and I want to have a good talk with her later on the phone.

     I do feel better because:

     1. Lee and I had to go to the hospital yesterday because I was very wet down there. It turned out I was not leaking amniotic fluid, Elora is just fine, and the stitch is holding. I do have an infection though, called bacterial vaginosis. I'm taking an antibiotic.

..........................................

     This is a little later in the day. I got to talk to grandma Pat on the phone, and all is well. I got to go to Mass at noon at the Cathedral, and pray about everything. I feel much better now :) I also got some flea spray at Lowe's. I'm pretty tired now...I think I'll go and take a short nap.

     By the way, Elora is 25 weeks, 4 days GA.

What we did for our 1st Anniversary

     Today Elora's GA is 25 weeks, 3 days.

     Ryan and I had a lovely Anniversary weekend. I'm writing it down so I don't forget. We didn't get any pictures and I don't want to forget anything.

     The evening of the 14th Ryan gave me my gift...a gold mother and child necklace with a diamond! It is gorgeous! I gave him his, which was a game he had asked for..."Stone Age", a really cool work placement game. He also got me the best card ever!

    We didn't get there until after 7 because we had to take care of the pets and pack after we got off work. After we checked in we went up to the 18th floor, and we just sat by the window in the hallway. Looking out on our city was amazing. It ended up that we were in room 1804 instead of our Honeymoon Suite, 1801, as I requested. Something apparently got mixed up. But our room was beautiful. We has south and west views of Wichita.

     When we got there we just laid on the soft bed awhile, then Ryan took me out to my current favorite Restaurant, Applebee's! I had my usual---the pick your own Appetizer plate (3 for $11.99). I got hot boneless chicken, chicken quesadillas, and pot stickers. He got his usual...Mac and Cheese with chicken tenders.

     We went to the 47th St. Applebee's. Afterward we went "home" and went to bed.
   
     In the morning I treated Ryan to the hotel breakfast buffet...$15.50/person. I had eggs and chicken sausage; he had eggs, bacon, and a waffle, which he said was the best he'd ever had. We had slept in until 9:30, and the buffet ended at 10:30.

     After that, Ryan had a great plan. He took me to the Museum of World Treasures! It was fantastic! When we got there, there was a Farmer's Market going on. My old friend John Corte was playing in the Celtic band, Knocknasheega. We looked at tie-dyed baby clothes, exotic pasta, fresh veggies, and Ryan had kettle corn.

     Then we went in the museum. We spent several hours wandering through the exhibits...dinosaurs, ancient India, Africa, Greece and Rome, Egypt, then up to the 2nd floor for all of the wars. The 3rd floor had some pop culture and sports items. I got Lee an obsidian arrowhead.

     We left there around 3, went to "Wizard's Asylum" to get Ryan's comics from his pull file, grabbed some Pepsis and browsed, etc. Then we went "home" and went swimming. The pool was really cold! We eased ourselves in, and played water volleyball with a beach ball. Then Ryan carried me around, we talked about marriage and parenthood, and he got in the hot tub while I put my feet in.

     After that I took him to one of his favorite's, "B.J's Brewhouse" for dinner. He got chicken alfredo and I tried their appetizer sampler. It was not as good as Applebee's. The items on it were some little chicken/veggie wraps, which were very good, some avacado wraps (which were only ok), some mozzarella sticks (good), and some artichoke/spinach dip with chips (only ok).

     After eating we took our instruments to the Keeper of the Plains and played our music for a few hours (8-10). Some little kids danced, and a few people clapped, but mostly they just listened. It was great! They lit up the fires at 9:00 as usual.

     Then we went "home" and went to bed. In the morning we woke at 9:30, took a shower, made coffee in the weird one-serving coffee-pot (which overflowed because I tried to rig it to make Ryan's beloved Guatemala), went to Starbuck's (Ryan got me some yummy light, vanilla, iced Frappe thing; he got an iced Guatemala pour-over), then went out to Grandma Brenda's and Grandpa Scott's to get Lee, then went to Mass at 1:30. After, we ate at Taco Bell, got Justine 2 mice, and took Lee to see "Minions" for the end of our Anniversary celebration.

     All in all, we loved it and want to stay at "our hotel" again. Ryan got beautiful rest.

Mommy to the world: My babies are all equally my babies!

     Samuel's statistics when he was born at GA 20 weeks, 5 days were 10 inches long, 11 1/4 oz. Here are weeks 20 and 21 averages:
     20 weeks:10.08 inches,10.58 ounces,25.6 cm,300 grams
     21 weeks:10.51 inches,12.70 ounces,26.7 cm,360 grams

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1004000/average-fetal-length-and-weight-chart#ixzz3ihsSYw3g

      Elora's gestational age today is 24 weeks, 5 days. Her movements are stronger every day. The other day we were watching an animated film, "Superman Doomsday", and I was lying flat on my back. Elora started kicking my bladder HARD, about every 6 seconds. It was like she was exercising or something. It might have felt good for her, but it was PAINFUL for me!

     Here are the stats for her age:
     24 weeks:11.81 inches,1.32 pound,30 cm,600 grams
     25 weeks:13.62 inches,1.46 pound,34.6 cm,660 grams

http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a1004000/average-fetal-length-and-weight-chart#ixzz3ihsrUEOZ
     I now am developing an "outie" belly button, and I have a slight "linea nigra", or dark line, going down my belly underneath my outie. My gums bleed a little more, and I am pretty tired compared to my energy levels when not pregnant ("Let's go unicycle for two hours, babe!"), but otherwise feel good. Oh, and I do get moody sometimes.

     I was thinking last night, that I can't wait to give birth, because I want to show the world that Lelan's my child every bit as much as Elora. It doesn't matter which womb we grew inside of. Our parents are the ones who are married in the sight of God. We can only truly be married once, and that marriage cannot be dissolved by any earthly power. Some people sadly go through several civil divorces before they find their true spouse in God's eyes. That is why the Church has the annulment process...to declare that the previous "marriages" were not truly marriages, often because one or both of the spouses had an existing impediment. For example, in their heart they did not truly want to marry that person, and had no intention of remaining faithful to them. In many of those cases, that would mean that there was not a true marriage. Other impediments that I know of are not being open to children, being forced to marry, or being abusive.

     In my case, I'm just thankful that Ryan and I had both never been married. It would have been a lengthy and trying process to wait for an annulment to come through, when we were both so turned on by each other (and still are). I've had several relatives and friends who have had to wait for annulments. It's just the Church's way of making sure you are not committing adultery, that you know what marriage is, and that the marriage(s) you were in before were not truly marriage(s).

     A few months ago I was feeling very horrible. The Devil put into my mind the idea that, "Mmmm...maybe because Ryan lived with somebody and had a child, then he is not really your husband". That tortured me, even though it was bogus. I had to talk to our priest to receive consolation about it. He reminded me that even having a child with someone, or the length of time they cohabited, does not constitute a marriage. Ryan and I got up in front of witnesses of the Church, after much prayer and discernment, and we made our marriage vows before God, from the fullness of our hearts. Neither of us had ever done anything like that before, or wanted to do that before.

     Anyway, the point I was getting to in regards to motherhood was, even if my son's egg donor had contact or even spent a lot of time with him, she would not be his mother. Your parents are the ones God gives you in their Holy Matrimony. As a friend of mine said, "When a man and woman get married in God's eyes, that is the birthday of a family".

     But I cannot wait until the legal adoption is complete, simply because I want to feel safe. I want to convey that peace to Lelan. I want my heart to feel fully settled, in that no one can intrude in my relationship with my son. The relationship of a child with his or her parents should be private and hidden, because it is sacred. That is what I believe. Once this legal aspect is complete, no one can ever intrude!

     Elora and Lelan will grow up knowing that they were both equally made, and grew up, in their parents love. That is my hope (Nadine). That is the desire of my heart. Elora! (God is my light!) May you and your brother grow up in the light of the Lord! May you not be confused and shaken by the many shades of gray that the world will try to confuse you with. May you know right from wrong in every situation, even when others are afraid to stand on the truth. O Jesus, I pray it will be so! St. Samuel, pray for us!

Oh, another note. I've been having occasional pain on the right side of my lower back. It doesn't last long, and doesn't really hurt. I would rate it on a scale of 1-10 at a zero. But the inside of my thighs have hurt worse. At first I thought my husband and I were just "doing it" too often (snickers). But we've been waiting since Monday for our Anniversary weekend tomorrow night, and they're still sore. So maybe it's symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD)? I don't know. That pain is not bad either, maybe a 0.5 at worst. But I'm a scientist and I like to have a name for things :)

Little Trekker

     I wrote a song this morning called "Little Trekker". It's for Sam. Ryan said we will cover it. It was strange how I wrote it. I usually have written songs over the course of a few weeks, maybe even a few months, but this one was finished in an hour. After I got off the phone with Ryan at 6 am, I couldn't sleep. Elora was kicking like crazy. I just have not been sleeping that well the past few nights, and neither has Ryan. Then the words started coming to me. Just a few phrases. So I started writing them down. The melody came to me with the words.
     I am making a baby book for Lee. There is an awesome sale at Hobby Lobby going on, and I saved 50 dollars on scrapbook material! I didn't know there was a sale until the lady at the register told me. Each page takes a long time, and I've only got 4 or 5 done so far. Lee picked out some little sequins he wanted me to put on. I love him so much.
     Elora is 23 weeks, 5 days along. Time is flying by. At the doctor's appointment yesterday, Dr. Craddock really assuaged my fears about placental issues. She said if anything went wrong they would do a c-section.
     I finally got my coconut cream pie. I got a sugar-free one for grandma Pat and had a piece with her before work. She is still fighting strong. I really want her to be here when Elora ("Little Pat") is born.
     Lee's school preparation is almost done. On Monday or Tuesday we have to get school supplies, and I'll pay for his books and resources. He stayed at Grandma Brenda's and Grandpa Scott's last night. We said goodbye to my brother-in-law, who is moving to Oklahoma City. We pray he finds good Christian fellowship there.
     Tomorrow evening after work, we are heading to Lake of the Ozarks to see Grandma Phyllis. I'm going to take Ryan and Lee to see Bridal Cave, because they have never been in a cave before. I love my husband and my son so much. We're praying that Ryan finds a better job in the future. I would really like to have several kids, but with my cerclages it will make things expensive. I want us to be able to take fun family trips and such also, and not struggle financially.
     This picture was taken shortly before I met Ryan, when I was doing graduate studies on baby egrets. This is a cattle egret (Bubulcus ibis).

Some Statistics on Premature Birth

     I'm compiling information to ease my worries, and help me to have a level-headed frame of mind if complications occur, or Elora comes early.

     But please, dear Lord Jesus, I pray that Elora is born safely!

     Various factoids and sources that I'm learning from:

-----According to a report last year by the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence, the three major problems are respiratory complications and lung disease, problems with bowel function and long-term neurological damage. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11121592/Premature-babies-How-24-week-old-babies-are-now-able-to-survive.html)

-----Cerebral palsy affects about 10 per cent of those born at 23 weeks (the risk falls to 1-2 per cent at 26 weeks). (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11121592/Premature-babies-How-24-week-old-babies-are-now-able-to-survive.html)

----- It costs about £1,500(1,500 British Pounds=2,337 US dollars) a day to keep a baby in intensive care, £900 in a high-dependency cot and then a sliding scale of costs for special care, transitional care and normal care.(http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11121592/Premature-babies-How-24-week-old-babies-are-now-able-to-survive.html)

-----a table:

Weeks of pregnancy	Survival rates
23	Nearly 2 to 3 out of 10 survived (about 7 to 8 out of 10 died)
24	5 out of 10 survived (5 out of 10 died)
25	Nearly 8 out of 10 survived (about 2 out of 10 died)

(http://www.emedicinehealth.com/what_to_expect_when_you_have_an_extremely_premature_infant-health/article_em.htm)

-----this was one of the more severe cases I read about:

'For her first few months Hope experienced one problem after another: septicaemia, pneumonia, bowel problems, meningitis. 

Initially, the HIllis's were told their daughter only had 24 hours to live - and that's why they called her Hope

'She even went into cardiac arrest on the operating table while they were performing a procedure to relieve fluid on her brain. We'd leave the neo-natal unit for a much-needed break and, on arriving home, receive a call to tell us that Hope had taken a turn for the worse and we would have to dash back again. 

Sarah says what happened to Hope has made her appreciate just how precious her children are

'For the first four years of her life Hope virtually lived in hospital. When we eventually took her home, I did secretly wonder how I would cope with a daughter with such critical health issues. 

'She has cerebral palsy, her immune system is so weak that she constantly succumbs to life-threatening illnesses, such as meningitis, and she recently had a tracheotomy fitted because damage to her brain stem was causing her breathing to falter when she was asleep. She also has mild learning difficulties.

'Now, while it might sound strange, I feel I'm lucky. What happened to Hope has made me appreciate just how precious my children are. It's brought us closer together as a family.
Hope is so bubbly - she won't let anything hold her back.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2256242/Over-half-babies-survive-birth-24-weeks-legal-abortion-limit---cost-health-families-Four-mothers-tell-stories.html#ixzz3hs4dR1Hz
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

(http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2256242/Over-half-babies-survive-birth-24-weeks-legal-abortion-limit---cost-health-families-Four-mothers-tell-stories.html)

-----this article was a hopeful one talking about 22, 23 weekers:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/07/health/premature-babies-22-weeks-viability-study.html

Worries, worries, and more worries...trying to trust Jesus and not worry!

     Today is Monday, August 3rd. Elora is 23 weeks, 2 days gestational age.

     I've been researching placental abruption. There are so many things to worry about during pregnancy. There are so many ways to possibly lose the baby. It seems like all I can do is trust Jesus, so I will. My friend Jerry told me yesterday after Mass, with a big natural smile, "Hannah, you can't worry. Just trust God and His will". He is right.

     After Mass yesterday Ryan took us to Sedgwick County Zoo. Although we look like a family of 3, we are a family of 5. One is a Saint in Heaven, and one is relaxing in my internal NICU.

     I've been giving my little Lelan Andrew Peter a Folate supplement for 3 days now. It's 1,000 mcg and his pediatrician advised that it may help him pay better attention. In most people, the body can convert folic acid into folate. It then uses the folate to build neurotransmitters in the brain. In some individuals, however, the body is unable to convert the folic acid into folate. Thus, the body has a harder time making neurotransmitters. Poor attention span and hyperactivity can result. We will see if this helps my baby.

     On August 16th, our 1-year Anniversary of Holy Matrimony, my lawer is going to file Lelan's adoption paperwork. I was so excited when I met with him a few weeks ago and found out that I could legally give him a second middle name, as I'd dreamed from the time he became my son! I was filling out the paperwork, which was for two parents adopting a baby, and there was a section to change the baby's name. So I asked if I could add a middle name and the answer was yes! But although I'd wished this, I hadn't decided what that name would be. However, the only name that settled in my mind was "Peter", the fisherman Andrew's brother, so that was it.

     This is a picture of my little fisherman talking to Fr. Jacques Phillipe when he visited our parish, St. Francis of Assisi:

     So all in all, I rejoice in the Lord's goodness. I pray he never gets angry with me as he did with Miriam in the Numbers 12 Mass reading today!

     These are a few things I have done for my baby in the past year. This is not of pride, but of overwhelming thankfulness to God for the gift Lelan as my son:

-----gotten him Baptized

-----helped him receive his First Confession and Communion

-----taught him to hang his clothes and brush his teeth

-----taught him to add and subtract

-----helped him become a better reader

-----taught him to pray

-----named him. Ryan named thought of "Lelan" and "Andrew", and I thought of "Peter"

-----taught him to wipe his bottom correctly, lol!

-----taught him to tread water. His record is almost a minute and a half!

-----given him the focus of my time, love, hugs and kisses everyday

     I continue to pray that:

-----Lelan will grow into a godly older child, teenager, and man.

-----that he and Elora will be great defenders of the Catholic faith and the Traditional Doctrine of Creation

-----that the whole world will recognize the beauty of the Church's teachings on Marriage and Family

     

Rambunctious Rib-kicker

     So today I entertained myself by trying to make videos of Elora kicking. She is battering my ribs from the inside with her kicks. It feels like someone is tickling me with their fingers. She is 22 weeks, 5 days old, which would round up to 23 weeks if she were born prematurely. We do not want that to happen though, because even though the hospital would now try to save her, it is likely she would have to have many surgeries and medical issues. I have my next prenatal appointment on August 5th at 10:30 am.
     I'm trying to decide what Ryan and I should do for our Anniversary. We will be staying at the same hotel we did for our honeymoon, in the same room, which will be awesome! He would like to go to the I-MAX, as he's never been. We both will definitely go to Mass, maybe noon at the Cathedral. I'd like to maybe go to R Coffee House, which we went to on our first date. Lee will probably stay with Ryan's grandparents, Pat and Ed.

   
My boss at WATC commented to me today in the tutoring lab that I looked like I was positively glowing with my pregnancy, and "you look like someone right out of a magazine!". I answered, "Thanks, but I don't feel like it!", laughing. It sure made me feel better about my bulbous midsection.

 


 I'm craving Coconut Cream Pie from Spears or the Village Inn, but I'm trying to content myself with just the odd dark chocolate now and then. If I bought a Coconut Cream Pie I would end up eating the whole thing in one or two sittings. So far I have done really well at getting lots of protein, fruits and veggies. I have not gained any weight, it has simply converted into baby, it seems. However, I asked Grandma Pat recently if she liked Coconut Cream Pie (because my husband, his mother, his brother, and maybe our son) are convinced coconut is the most noxious substance God created. Turns out Grandma likes Coconut Cream Pie! So I have resolved to get us one to share next time we're over there.

     I've also been reading a lot of news bits today, mainly on Marriage, the Planned Parenthood sale of baby body parts, etc. I researched the infamous abortionist Leroy Carhart a little. Apparently he bragged a few years ago that he had killed over 20,000 babies who were 24 weeks or older! But the whole idea of abortion at any age is sickening. Even at conception, there exists a tiny, unique human who just needs time to grow.
    More musing later...got to go home and fix dinner for my family!
   
   

Samuel and Elora

   Today is July 27th, 2015. I am sitting at home in our living room, watching our snapping turtles play. We have two; one is an adult male, with a 13 inch shell, named Mr. Big. The other I raised from a quarter-sized hatchling. His name is Carl. We also have a Tarantula, Rosie; a cat, Chiquitita; a ball python, Justine; and a beta fish, Skittles. Lelan is downstairs watching "Meet the Robinsons". We are going to have pizza for lunch shortly.
   Today, Elora Alberta Patricia Nadine Oster, our baby girl, is 22 weeks, 2 days gestation. This morning after Ryan got off the phone with me at 6 am she was kicking up a storm, and it was the first time I could see all of this activity on the surface of my skin!
     If she were born today, our hospital will not resuscitate, as the cutoff is 23 weeks at Via Christi. But if she is born in 3 days, my understanding is that they will round up to 23 weeks. Still, what I have read indicates that only 10-25% of babies given intensive care at this age will live. I will feel much better after another month, when her odds of survival will be 80-90%.
     The cerclage is holding fast. What I worry about today is placental abruption. With Samuel, our baby lost at 20 weeks, 5 days, my cervix opened prematurely while I was standing upright at a prayer service in St. George Orthodox Church. It was a Friday. I felt that I had to defecate, but when I pushed in the bathroom, something large and smooth came out vaginally.

     We went to Wesley hospital. Samuel seemed to be fine and in no distress at that point. We watched him on the ultrasound and found out we were having a boy. I had no pain or bleeding. The high risk Dr. said I was open too far for her to attempt a cerclage, so we decided to go home until we could get another opinion from a Dr. on Monday. That night I was fine and stayed in bed all the next day. I tried to use a bedpan but it was too difficult to empty my bladder. Every time I tried to waddle a few feet to the bathroom, Samuel's amniotic sack would begin to slip out again. When I laid back down it would retract slightly. I kept my rear elevated on pillows. I made lots of phone calls to midwives and natural doctors to try to find a way to save Sam.

     I tried so hard to hold my baby inside me, but at some point when I used the restroom I think something slipped a little farther than it had before. I began to have very slight cramps, but I hoped it was from lying in bed too long. Around 3 or 4 pm that Saturday they were getting very strong and annoying. Shortly after I began bleeding. It ran down my legs as Ryan carried me to the car.

     When we go to St. Joseph hospital, Sam's heartbeat was found. It was 144, which was good. But I was in so much pain that the nurses wanted to give me morphine. I asked if it would hurt Sam and they looked at each other and said, "It will just make him a little drowsy". I told them, "I will only take it if you promise me it will not contribute to his demise". One of the nurses said, "At this point we need you to calm down. That is the best thing for you and your baby". I asked, "Will it stop the labor?" She said, "It might". So I let them administer morphine, which I now regret. Before taking me from that tiny room to the delivery room, Sam's heart was checked again. It was dropping; I believe it was around 120.

     It was 10-15 minutes later that Sam's heart was checked in the delivery room. The Dr. could not find it, so ultrasound was called for. My heart and Ryan's broke to see our little baby unmoving in the womb. The Dr. felt inside me and said she could feel part of his body in the canal. Everyone including Ryan told me it was now alright to push, but I still didn't want to. I wanted to believe I could save Sam by holding onto him.

     I began to push and felt a pop. I pushed a few more times and my water broke and overflowed the table, along with the contents of my bladder. Our beautiful son was lying in the mess. The Dr. picked him up gently in a blanket and tried to find a heartbeat but there was none. He was the most beautiful thing in the world.

     I have asked myself many times, "What caused his death? Why was he not born alive?" That is why I am so worried about placental abruption. I will talk to Dr. Wolfe, my new high risk Dr., soon to find out more about this.